Neighbours furious with NHS worker as it turns out he's a bit of an arse

Neighbours of NHS worker, Colin Wheatley, are furious that their "local hero" is a total dick.

Colin, 37, of Moseley, an NHS nurse with 12 years experience has really disappointed local residents with his grumpy disposition and ignorant manners.

"I can't believe it" Brian Wells told our reporter. "He moved in just as lockdown started and we were all really proud to have a proper, real NHS nurse living on our street. We were out there every Thursday, banging our pots and pans and clapping like there's no tomorrow, just for him."

"We were so excited and proud. We were scared to leave the house and there he was, every day, bravely going off to save lives. A true hero. Then it all went wrong. My kids kicked their ball over his fence a few times and he asked them to stop doing it. They're just kids. Grumpy bugger!"

Ivy Reynolds told us, "I would wave my rainbow flag at him as he passed my house and I even baked a pie for him. My grandchildren even chalked "NHS Hero" on the pavement outside his house. But then everything changed. One day he knocked over my bin with his car and another time, last summer. he was playing really loud music in his garden. This was only a week after he complained about my grandkids making too much noise in the garden because he was on nights."

""I bloody clapped for you!" I told him but he wasn't even listening. He's become a real nightmare."

Mr Wheatley was unavailable for comment.

Government to consult on new ways to boost rail travel

The Government has launched cheap ticket offers in April and May to get a cash-strapped and covid-averse public back onto the trains and replacement buses. In the longer term the Government is considering a range of new railcards to boost train travel. The options under consideration reportedly include:

The Hungry Traveller Railcard – this will give travellers 25% off on-train food, bringing the price of a Kit Kat back below a pound and an individual fruit pie back below five pounds. It will also offer discounts at some station concessions, including food and drink from the Real Cornish Pasty Company, the Continuity Cornish Pasty Co. and the Judean Popular Pasty Company, although pasties are excluded from the offer.

The Lucky Traveller Railcard – this is the railcard for passengers with a sense of adventure (beyond the usual uncertainties about whether the train will turn up). Railcard holders will be entered into an annual draw to win train tickets to iconic destinations, such as Wigan, Lympstone Commando, Kyle of Lochalsh and Worcester Parkway. Travellers will also receive scratchcards with prizes ranging from copies of the Metro newspaper, 10% off non-sale items at DFS, and commemorative toothpicks.

Over-90’s Rail Card – the Government aims to increase rail use in this age group, which has been in decline since the cancellation of the Red Star Parcels service. This will give travellers discounts on toilet facilities and will offer complementary Werthers Originals in first class. Special steam trains for rail card holders will have extra long station stops, extra loud on-train announcements and a ban on passengers aged under 42.

A spokesman for the Department for Transport said that the government is putting extra effort into boosting rail travel because railways are a critical part of national infrastructure and because, regardless of what you do for them, motorists and airline passengers just moan and moan and moan.

Where to, Boris?