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Cosmic anomaly causes sudden availability of breakfast only McMuffins at teatime

Updated: Apr 24, 2022




Something odd has happened. Starboffins say a space wormhole thingy has appeared on the other side of Saturn, creating a rip in the spacetime continuum. However, billions of little green men aren't spilling out of it, and it hasn't opened up a handy superhighway to the other side of the cosmos. The only noticeable difference is that it is now possible to order McDonald's breakfast menu items well after the morning watershed.

Astrophysicists have long been confident that this was an absolute impossibility. Einstein postulated in his maligned theory of extra special and completely uninterpretable relativity: if the multiverse created the right conditions, then cheeseburgers could be sourced before 10 am, and sausage and egg McMuffins would be available long into the early evening.


Some war crimes are more 'crimey' than others



With alleged massacres in the Ukraine, the US was quick to label it a war crime, as it takes one to know one: 'Admittedly we've always said the ICC has no jurisdiction and we'd invade the Hague if they investigated our own war crimes, but you know...that was last year and...um...stuff...you know?' With none of the key members of the UN Security Council actual signatories to the ICC, it makes it a little hard to cry wolf when you have been called Wolfy McWolfFace. The US insisted: 'If it happens to white Christians, it's a crime. If it happens to brown folks, it's a reallocation of oil reserves'.



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