Some faces evolved to 'get slapped'

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Anthropologists now believe Early Man needed to pulverise each other, not just to keep warm during the Ice Age. Certain primitive faces became deliberately provocative to encourage others to take a pop at them, one scientist explained:

‘It’s much more cathartic to hit a moron, than kick the dog.’

Human and ancestral skull reconstructions reveal the ideal facial shape is 17% journalist, 26% private school boy and 57% tw$t. One creationist countered: ‘Evolution is just a theory. Whereas if you wanted incontrovertible proof of the existence of God–‘. He was interrupted by being hit by a sock filled with manure, wielded by his wife. She confirmed: ‘He’s just got one of those faces.’

https://pixabay.com/photos/girls-friends-colors-holi-powder-1266673

Fox News forced to concede Birmingham does not exist

A spokesman for the derided TV Channel said: ‘We apologise whole heartedly to the citizens of the UK, for implying that such a fanciful place existed. Not only is Birmingham not a Muslim caliphate as we had suggested, but neither is it populated with centaurs or the popular reggae band UB40’.

However, the British Government confirmed it still planned to go ahead with its HS2 rail link to the Midlands. A travel minister said: ‘You don’t think we’d want high speed travel to Birmingham if it was a real place, do you?’

IMAGE: https://pixabay.com/photos/birmingham-canal-broad-street-tunnel-1938916/

Child gives bad book review to adult who refuses to do all the voices

Complained the toddler: ‘This monotone rendition of the 'The Gruffalo', was dreadful. And the reader barely stopped to let me look at the pictures. Being tucked up in bed is one thing, but how can I be expected to read all those big words by myself. And at no point did he pause to check if there were monsters under the bed. Quite frankly, I think I’ll wet the bed in protest. Now, can you please fetch me a glass of water from downstairs?’

photo https://pixabay.com/users/katerinakucherenko-19907709/