After as much hype and ridiculous promises as a Brexit bus, Amazon have finally released their multi-million pound turkey. And with dialogue as clunky as hobbit wearing platemail, this is the first Tolkien adaptation that will have you rooting for Sauron.
Bored of just firing money into space, Jeff Bezos has decided just to dump it all into a bottomless pit. Remarked one showrunner: 'Rings of Power was a waste of $500,000,000, which is still cheaper than Brexit.'
In a surprise turn of events, the FBI has been ordered to return some of the documents recovered from Mar-a Lago last month. The colouring books, some marked with security blanket markings, others with crayon, are believed to be amongst the ex-President's most valued documents. A Trump spokesperson said the allegations that not all the colouring was inside the lines was 'fake news', while FBI agents off-the-record have said they thought the bars of black, brown and orange were 'some kind of rainbow redaction, possibly related to ultra-secret LGBTQ+ documents'. A box of crayons was said to be ready for return once the forensic people had stopped laughing.
The court refused to order the return of paper scissors found with the books. 'You can do a lot of self-harm with those big boys, even the rounded edge ones,' suggested a court official.
Updated: Sep 11, 2022
Winner: Dick Everyman
Runners-up: "Southampton defender overwhelmed by Nottingham Forest attack." (Steve B); "Legendary half-man, half-shuttlecock beast found in the Forest of Dean." (Flash Arry).
