A bit of a domestic after Christmas

Fears grow as Ben the flowerpot man reported missing

Ben: pictured here in happier times

Kiddies TV favourite, Ben the Flowerpot Man, one half of iconic showbiz duo, Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men, has stunned BBC top brass by going missing just days before their new series is to air.

We're all gutted,' said one insider. 'We've ploughed a lot of money and hard graft into the new show, and now we've had to pull their appearance on BBC Breakfast tomorrow. It's a choker.'

Newsbiscuit understands the troubled star had been "down in the dumps" on the set recently. Speaking to reporters this evening and visibly shaken, co-star Bill said: 'Uddap buddap slobbadap. Buddap buddap pobbledap.' before being led away in tears, clearly too distraught to carry on.

Little Weed, longtime girlfriend to both stars, something that has led to rumours of all the three living in an open relationship, has yet to break her silence.

But in a long showbiz career this isn't the first time the terracotta twosome have hit the headlines. Many may remember, back in the seventies they were detained at Heathrow for being in possession of four bags of John Innes Potting Compost after getting off a flight from Ibiza.

Donald Trump ‘no longer funny’

As with a Lib Dem coalition, what started as a humorous electoral stunt now has all the hallmarks of becoming a grim reality. The prospect of Donald Trump as President has lost its humour; just like a season of ‘Mrs Brown’s Boys’, James Corden gurning to camera or anything you said as a teenager.

Many Republicans are now expressing the same level of sober regret normally reserved for drunken one-night-stands or a tattoo of your ex-girlfriend. Political commentators and comedy scriptwriters have likened the character of Trump to the kind of thing Sacha Baron Cohen would come up with – but more racist. Called the ‘Al Murray effect’, it is dawning on the electorate that Trump may actually believe what he says. One GOP member commented: ‘I thought it was harmless fun; I even had my fingers crossed when I filled out my ballot. I expected him a bloopers reel not a trip to the Whitehouse.’

As one voter said: ‘If there’s a joke, it’s on us’.