'Why can't we re-name our planets?' asks Isle of Wight man

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'If chocolate bars like Marathon can be re-named, why can't planets?' asked Martin Ambleside from Shanklin, during a book signing by TV's mega astronomer Professor Brian Cox.

'We've got Mars, which is fine. So why can't we have Crunchie, Picnic, Topic, Yorkie, Caramac and Aero in place of Mercury, Venus, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune?' suggested Mr. Ambleside amid laughter form people in the queue.

The question seemed to take the ever-smiling super stargazer by surprise momentarily before he quipped, 'Hmm... good idea, but change like that Twix time, and anyway, don't we already have the Milky Bar?'

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It was all just tongue in cheek says Dalai Lama

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Jesus listed as a missing person as Easter passes

God has posted a missing persons report to the Metropolitan police after realising that the scheduled Second Coming hasn't happened. 'I knew there was a problem when He didn't phone home - He had agreed to let it ring three times,' God said today. Despite the Second Coming being anticipated year after year after year for approximately two thousand years, acolytes seemingly didn't notice it hadn't occurred yet again.

A spokesman from the Metropolitan Police confirmed it was investigating a missing person, but refused to confirm whether a dusky-skinned young man without recognised ID had been arrested and had been scheduled to be deported to Rwanda. A solicitor acting for the man read a prepared statement, which said, 'Christ, I've been crucified. Again. I don't mind Rwanda so much, but please don't ever make me talk t Braverman one more time'.

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