Chancellor’s Autumn Statement makes Booker fiction list

The Chancellor is on course to win the nation’s top literary prize for a ‘completely fabricated’ depiction of the British economy. With his mythical world of unicorns and balanced budgets, his accounting has all the hallmarks of a contemporary fairy story, with more than a hint of ‘Grimm’ about it. One English teacher explained: ‘It’s not intended to be taken literally. It’s magical realism. Creative accounting. Or as Hemmingway would have described it - a ‘crock of shit’.’

The fantasy has elements of other great works – ‘Lord of the Flies’, ‘Catch 22’ and ‘The Hunger Games’. Said one fan: ‘It reminds me of The Borrowers – if all their borrowing was from Wonga’.

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Fish finger pie voted most popular post-Brexit recipe

In a change from enticing viewers to attempt cooking exotic recipes from abroad, the BBC asked viewers to name the ingredients they can actually buy these days and challenged celebrity chefs to devise recipes for exciting meals which could be made from them.

Of the 3,000 suggestions received by the BBC, 2,000 suggested fish fingers.

Jamie Oliver came up with deep fried fish finger and jam sandwiches, Risk Stein chose to make his own fish fingers from turbot and razor clams, and Gordon Ramsey had a simple fish finger curry dish. Nigella Lawson’s fishy fingers pie, however, came out on top. Nigella massaged each fish finger between her breasts before slapping donkey cheese pule mash on top, and slipping it in somewhere hot.

Critics of the programme have said how out of touch the BBC is, since few people can afford pule. But the BBC responded by pointing out that viewers should consider themselves lucky they didn’t invite Heston to contribute.