Cutting down from 7 bins? Where to throw the unused ones

After Rishi Sunak's announcement, a team of philosophers and dustmen are working on the best way to dispose of the unused bins.

A spokesman explained, 'As you know, before Sunak (BS) we had seven bins and these were used for metal, food, plastic, cardboard, clothing, government pledges and broken Brexit dreams.'

The government has released guidance suggesting that food and cardboard can be combined as by 2028 they'll be the same thing anyway, having clothing to recycle will be a distant dream, so that won't be necessary. Finally, the plastic bin should be put into itself for recycling.

KFC confuses Alabama city with bankrupt backwater metropolis

A branch of KFC in Birmingham, Alabama has egg on its face after showing pictures of Birmingham, Englandshire, in its restaurant.

Diners in the thriving Alabama city seemed amused by the confusion with its quaint European counterpart which became bankrupt after being obliged to pay its female serfs at the same rates as the male ones.

The company is looking into how the mistake happened and thinks its new AI restaurant décor system may need a few tweaks.

PM to ban windmill cars

Rolling back in his pledge to phase out our reliance on petrol, Mr. Sunak said he would halt the manufacture of vehicles that ran on tidal power and fairy tears. Electric cars were unfeasible, as they relied too heavily on trance music, the migratory pattern of wild geese, and jam.

A spokeswoman said: 'There's no way electric cars can work, how can you get that many hamsters to spin the wheels? Also, how would you get your light switch to reach that far, hmmm?'

The only reliable fuel is dinosaur juice, anything else is the work of communists and unicycle manufacturers. 'If you ask me we should have got rid of the Shire horse. Oil may be sticky and unpleasant, but only electricity is Satan's jizz.'