top of page
Search

Serial killer avoids jail by swapping party




His lawyer explained: 'My client has an horrendous record of evil doing, coupled with countless tirades of hate speech, but in joining the Labour Party he is absolved of all prior wrong-doing. Who cares if he has spent his entire working life chopping up children, we need to forgive and forget, and accept him as the new Shadow Minister for Schools.'


An undistinguished list of right-wing nut jobs have recently abandoned the Tory Party for Labour, in the hope of finding kindred spirits. Said one MP: 'I'm an anti-imigrant, Brexiteer, with shares in oil, arms and strangling puppies. If anything I'm too woke for Labour.'


Starmer has said he would welcome with open arms any politician, provided they can stop frothing at the mouth for two seconds. The killer admitted: 'I don't really know much about politics, I just like murdering stuff. But I felt right at home when Sir Keir explained his policy on Gaza.'


Double whammy for the music world - Nicki Minaj retires & Mugabe dies


People around the world are in mourning, as one of the world’s most iconic authoritarian figures is gone. Also, Robert Mugabe is dead. Mugabe was a giant in the music industry, producing such classics: ‘Maggie’s Farm…is now a collective’. ‘Don’t believe the hype-inflation’ and the cover version of Malvina Reynolds timeless ‘Little boxes – stuffed with ballot papers’.


Ironically the lives of Minaj and Mugabe mirrored each other, with Mugabe breaking the yoke of oppressive colonial rule and Nicki dissing Lil Kim.  Said one music journalist: ‘Ge lived under an aging, white-minority regime, a regime that exploited others, was ruthless and took all the wealth for itself. A bit like being one of Madonna’s backing dancers.’



If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?























bottom of page