- Nicka
- Jan 7, 2025
In the funniest thing anyone has ever seen, a man who had his gym membership suspended for upskirt photographing himself returned to the gym on the very day his bro split routine dictated that he work primarily on his back muscles. Thus, he ‘returned’ on ‘back’ day.
‘As soon as I entered, the counter staff burst into laughter and applause. It was an unintentional joke that everyone immediately got. ‘He’s back on back day,’ they shouted, and clapped. But there was an astonishing twist. Though the man reported laughing congenially and good naturedly, it was also with a rueful sense of modestly. For he hadn’t intended the action as a joke.
‘Me returning on back day was a mere coincidence. A f@cking unbelievable one if you like. But that’s all it was. A coincidence. I didn’t intend to be hilarious. I got lucky.’ As a consequence, the man is keeping quiet about the serendipitous nature of events. ‘I’m worried if I tell them that I didn’t make the joke deliberately, they’ll suspend me again.’
The gym has a five-suspensions-and-you’re-barred rule. Prior to being suspended for upskirt photographing himself, the man had been suspended for brazenly walking out of the building with bundles of gym toilet bog rolls, shooting up on the incline bench press, and bitching relentlessly about Carly Simon. ‘I’m in the last chance saloon,’ he said. At that very moment, we passed by a public house called The Last Chance Saloon. ‘Oh God,’ said the man. ‘I’ve done it again. Please don’t suspend me from the-.’ But it was too late. The interview was over.
Picture credit: Wix AI
Eleven billion units are sold every year, in attempt to disguise the true taste of your cooking and how undercooked this chicken nugget is. Yet Britain’s favourite red gravy can be smeared on any meal with no ill effects, but the moment it is introduced into bedtime frolics, it not only kills the moment, but it will turn your bed sheets pink. Sex gurus have identified Ketchup as a bigger passion-killer than using gardening gloves, a clown’s wig or a Richard Branson cosplay mask.
Some foods are said to raise testosterone levels, but ketchup is barely able to raise the edible nature of hotdogs. The term for food used in sex play is ‘sploshing’, while the term for using ketchup is ‘being saucy’. One couple from Nottingham spoke of their trauma; Cheryl explained: ‘We’d used a chocolate Santa once, so the next logical step was to try other foods we like.’ Remarked Dave: ‘What else would I have with my sausage?’
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