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With an economic downturn predicted, people need to be more realistic with their unrealistic ambitions. A bucket list that lacks a bucket, is clearly not prepared for a bleak Covid scenario where we might have to harvest rainwater or improvise an eye-less helmet.


Most bucket lists fall short on essentials, like extra loo paper and badger traps. Individuals are wasting valuable wishes wanting to bungee jumping from a hot air balloon, when they need to focus on the basics, such as affordable shelter or something unaffordable in the London area.


The Department for Health said: ‘Yes, we all want to climb Everest but how about some low hanging fruit first? Like remembering to put out the bins. Stop asking for the impossible, like a functioning Track and Trace App. And everyone knows swimming with dolphins is just a euphemism for sex with a porpoise.’





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Bob Gorpington, of Gorton, Manchester claims he has seen the same star twice, just like that man in the news.



"I saw it on me way the pub tonight" He said. "I looked up, cos I do that, and there was this gap in the clouds and there was this big bright star just hanging there. I knew it wasn't a UFO coz it didn't move."



He went on to describe the first sighting which occurred over six weeks ago. "I remember I were on way home from work, and it were black as tar. Suddenly, the clouds parted and there were a bright dot. I'm sure it were just exactly the same as the one I saw tonight. Well, you don't see a gap in the clouds very often round here do you?"


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