BBC in diversity row as disabled white dwarf set to play Magic Johnson

The BBC came under criticism earlier today after announcing that a one-legged white dwarf will play American basketball legend Magic Johnson in a new series chronicling his life in sport, to be screened in the summer.

Licence payers are incensed by what they see as a ridiculous attempt at diversity and unbridled political correctness.

A spokesperson for the BBC told reporters: ‘We think it’s important to reflect society in real terms, and that’s what we’ve done here.

‘It’s our view that the white dwarf community and people with disabilities should be represented in contemporary drama, so what better way to achieve this than by killing two birds with one stone and casting a white, unidexter dwarf as an extremely tall black athlete.

'Yes, it will be challenging when filming footage of Magic Johnson in action on the basketball court, but we aim to get round that by having a tallish Chinaman lift him up to pull off the slam dunks.'

In 2023, the BBC was heavily criticised after casting a five-times-married black woman, who was confined to an iron lung, to play the teenage Martina Navratilova in a docudrama about her life in tennis.

Image credit: perchance.org

Starmer fires Lord Vader, but finds it difficult to remove his title

Darth Vader appears to be reluctant to relinquish his tight, black leather grip on his title and finds Starmer’s lack of faith in him disturbing.

The prime Minister made the following statement: 'We knew of his ties to the disgraced Emperor, Darth Sidious, who wanted to establish absolute eternal rule over the galaxy, before we rehired him. However, Darth assured us, with a simple hand gesture and prompting phrase, that we should just move on. I feel deceived by him to be honest; as it turns out he was building a gargantuan space station armed with a planet destroying laser. We should have seen the signs, and we failed to act, and for that we are truly sorry.'

He continued, 'Being a lifetime appointed Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Vader can still use that title even after being severely spoken to and tutted at. He was appointed because he had excellent experience in dealing with certain types of people, and was able to manipulate and control weak-minded…..oooohh, I see the issue now.'

There had been many complaints of Lord Vader frightening people with his sorcerer's ways, and he was known to be difficult to work with. It was public knowledge of his association with the evil empire, and there were even compromising photographs of Vader in his pants holding a clipboard. Victims of the Empire’s atrocities were particularly livid about his appointment, especially survivors of the destroyed planet of Alderaan.

Keir finished with, 'As you must be aware, removing a title is very complicated, and the whole process is quite cumbersome. There are all sorts of legal hurdles from the old days and there is the risk of having a lightsabre remove your head, so there is that to consider. We sent HR to touch base with Vader, but he force choked them and threw them against a wall.'

Image credit: perchance.org

Starmer covers early Beatles