After a Busy Christmas, Santa Insists Kids Keep Their Distance.

Winner: TonyMc

Runners-Up:

"Waylon never could figure out why so few people came to Book Reading Circle when it was his turn to host." (Midfield Diamond);

"Ike would finish the chapter and then check if the hogs had finished eating that prying lawman." (Lockjaw)

Mary Magdalene: "Shit, He's buggered off!"

Winner: Sinnick

Runners-Up:

"As basement flats go I've seen worse - it does have natural daylight." (SirLupus);

"Another successful exploratory by the world's smallest proctologist." (FlashArry)

"So, From This Exact Location we Should now be Able to Book an Online GP Appointment."

Winner: DeskPilot

Runners-Up:

"And this is me after the whale spat me out." (DickEveryman);

"Coastguard advice is to avoid looking like Venezuelan fishermen." (Midfield Diamond).