Block Out Immigrants With These Special Glasses, Free With This Week's Mail on Sunday!

Winner: dominicmcg

Runners-Up: "As eye-donors, Douglas and Jean rued not checking the small print." (Flash Arry); "Anthropologists came from the world over to witness the Weybridge gated-community’s welcome ceremony." (Dick Everyman)

Australian Visitors to UK Urged to Attend Re-Orientation Classes Before Going in Water

Winner: McDabble

Runners-Up: "Amputees pin hopes on Britain's first offshore leg farm." (Sydalg); "As the reservoir water recedes, ancient artefacts are revealed; some now four feet out of the water." (PAUL).

Ozzy Osbourne Miscalculates How Many Heads He Has.

Winner: APepper

Runners-Up: "Suella Braverman attempts 'normal pose' outside migrant camp." (Wrenfoe); "BBC’s Songs of Praise gets eagerly awaited format change." (Dick Everyman).