Jessica Stared at her Father. She Wanted a Convertible, But Got a Teddy. He'd be Dead by Hogmanay.

Winner: Camz

Runners-Up: "After turning her brother into a teddy bear, Penelope considered what else she could do to the little snitch." (Lockjaw); "Lizzie's ventriloquism act was quite ... disturbing." (Flash Arry)

"So Absorbed in Their Books, They had not Noticed the Library Being Demolished."

Winner: Flash Arry

Runners-Up: "Richard Osman goes missing. Book club questioned by police." (Myke); "'Hullo and welcome to our latest instalment of "Books & Piles"..." (Sketchly).

Liz Truss Wonders How She Can Spin This Into "Insignificant Traces of Cocaine".

Winner: Sydalg

Runners-Up: "Having set fire to the house, journalists wait to see if the fire escape works." (Sinnick); "Photographers ready as London man attempts "impossible" journey through 1 inch of snow." (apepper).