Sun rising in the morning hailed as 'Key Benefit of Brexit' by Rees Mogg Cultists

Winner: Pat Ward

Runners-Up: "Isle of Wight residents amazed when sun turns on again" (Sinnick); "Viagra deodorant has side-effects" (apepper)

"No. I can’t remember what we came outside to fight about either."

Winner: Lockjaw

Runners-Up: "GB News introduce "eye candy" to boost viewing figures" (apepper); “Fuck it, these trousers are going to nipple level tomorrow.” (@simonjjames); "...then they said there was a chance refugees could end up living with either Gove or Hancock so I said fuck it, I'm staying here in Kyiv." (Peter Whitelaw)

Fairground pervert arrested on multiple counts of upskirting.

Winner: FlashArry

Runners-Up: "The annual meeting of the Acrophobic Masochist Society was a great success." (sydalg);

"Swinger party "disappointing" say guests." (apepper)