Clacton pub removes "MPs not welcome" sign

A pub in Clacton appears to have led the wave of pubs that are refusing to serve MPs.  Most of the recent pubs have specified Labour MPs, but some can't spell Labour so have left it a bit more generic. 

Most landlords quietly admit they wouldn't recognise their MP if he or she walked in anyway as the last election was over a year ago and they weren't in when the prospective candidates knocked on their front door.

It transpires that the initiative started in Clacton, nearly eighteen months ago.  The landlord hasn't changed his point of view but as nobody has seen their MP anywhere in Clacton since the election it seemed a waste of window space.

image from google gemini

European Sport Contest to be launched

A new European sports competition has been conceived and could start soon. The idea has been tested for years and the name for the new concept has already been registered.

'The name European Sport Contest was chosen after careful consideration,’ says Mr. Daniel Davidson, chief engineer and financier of the idea.

'I don't deny that the Eurovision Song Contest, in its name, had an influence on the naming decision,’ Davidson clarifies.

According to Davidson, the song contest can be thanked for the new sporting event, as the basic idea of ​​both is that the name does not have to correspond to the content.

Davidson, a failed singer and a poorly accomplished athlete, has already designed the basic framework for the European Sport Contest. According to the plan, athletic performance is not important, but athletes and teams should dress in eye-catching outfits and draw attention to the spectacularity of their performance. For example, a pole vaulter gets the most points if, after crossing the bar, he continues to fly like a bird over the stadium.

'Let me clarify the basic idea. For example, in the pole vault, the highest clearance, or result, is not important. Voters and political juries in different countries decide who wins. Their vote is decisive, not the sporting performance.

image from google gemini

author: Emerick Meriwether

Calling Benjamin Netanyahu a c%nt is still fine

While the British government has banned the use of the word uprising, citizens will still be allowed to call the Israeli PM a homicidal maniac. In fact, peace protesters will be encouraged to sing the chant "Who's the wanker in the black?".

A minister defended the draconian law. "Words like rebellion are clearly racist. Empires and colonialists are always the good guys. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to instruct the Death Star to destroy the planet Alderaan."

Wanted for genocide, Mr Netanyahu is no stranger to being called names—like wanted, at large and the accused. With it being illegal to call for resistance, many Palestinians will be encouraged to accept their murder quietly. Free speech advocates said…well nothing really, they were already locked up.

image from google gemini