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The government has run a trial project identifying benefit fraud where claimants leaving the UK for more than eight weeks have their benefits stopped. Claimants are expected to stop claiming in these circumstances but many don't.


The government set fifteen investigators who reclaimed £17M. They are increasing the number of investigators to 200 and hope to recover £350m.


'If that works we'll increase the investigator numbers to three million and we should be able to close the £80B black hole overnight,' said a government spokesman. When asked if some of the investigators could be used to look into large scale tax evasion by billionaires his microphone mysteriously cut off and he developed a serious cough so we'll have to get back to that question in a decade or three.




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Following the debacle in Alaska and the love-in in Washington the political elders agree it's time Putin (or whichever stand-in is available) and Zelenskyy should face each other across a table.  Putin suggested Moscow, which Zelenskyy declined.  A counter proposal to use a neutral venue such as the Hague has received a tepid reaction from the Russian leader.


'President Putin doesn't want to hang out in the Hague,' said a Russian spokesman.  'Fake noose,' he added. 




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After peace talks in Yankeeland failed to interest the US President in stopping the war in Ukraine, a new initiative in offering Putin a 500” TV that he can do Zoom call on from his absurdly long desk to offer as an incentive to pull out of Ukraine is hoped might provide the diplomatic solution needed.


A second 1,000” TV to be given to Trump, has also been requested, so he can fall asleep watching golf, with reporters whispering even more quietly at crucial moments, so they don’t wake him up, is expected to help in restoring normality to the world economy.




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