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Friend using phrase 'cheat code' to refer to very minor shortcuts to success

A friend is insisting on repeatedly using the phrase 'cheat code' to refer very elementary shortcuts to success in the most basic tasks, it has been confirmed.


The news comes despite your mate seemingly having no experience of unlocking secret gameplay elements on Grand Theft Auto, nor a previous career as a computer programmer for Konami or Nintendo  in the 1990s looking to make game testing more straightforward. 


'Finished updating my CV this morning, feeling good #career #cheatcode #unlocked', gushed your mate Richie on LinkedIn earlier.


'Guys, I just used a travel agent to help book our group golf trip, it's definitely a holiday cheat code', continued Richie enthusiastically over a couple of pints later in your local. 


'If you're looking for a fitness cheat code - and let's be honest, who isn't,' continued Richie, '...then you could do worse than going to the gym early doors before work. Job done.'


'Putting your two feet round the bottom of your Brabantia bin, while you simultaneously yank up the overfull binbag inside to get it out in one go - got to be the ultimate kitchen cheat code, hasn't it?', said Richie a little more tentatively.


'Anyone going to tell him to stop using that bloody annoying phrase incessantly', said your mate Dave when Richie went for a quick piss in the gents. 'Who's got the cheat code for that conversation?'   



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Daily Mail due a reboot

'

Our technicians have noticed a problem with the algorithm over the last few days,' said a Daily Mail spokesman, 'with not only a lack of fawning articles about Nigel Farage but actual scrutiny showing he is a comptempible excuse for a person,' he added.


'We'll be turning it off and on again,' he said, crossing his fingers that they hadn't laid off or deported the person who knew how to restart the bile engine.


'If all else fails we'll just republish headlines from the past. Actually, that's what we normally do,' he said, holding up a headline supporting Mosley but with Farage's name scribbled over.



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Government introduces strict social media curfew teenagers can ignore immediately

The government has announced a tough new overnight social media curfew for 16 and 17-year-olds, which will remain in force unless they decide they don't fancy it.


Under the plans, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube will be unavailable by default between midnight and 6am, unless teenagers alter their settings, click “opt out”, press “continue”, swipe left, swipe right, turn their phone off and on again, or simply ask someone younger to show them how.


Technology Secretary Liz Kendall said the measure represented a decisive intervention.


“For too long, young people have been exposed to addictive online content late at night,” she said. “That is why we are introducing a firm legal presumption that they should stop, subject only to their personal preference.”


Ministers believe the curfew will improve sleep, concentration and family life by creating a brief administrative obstacle between teenagers and six more hours of scrolling.


A government spokesman explained that the system had been carefully designed to withstand the ingenuity of older teenagers.


“When the clock strikes midnight, the apps will display a clear message saying, ‘Social media is currently unavailable. Would you like to make it available?’”


The teenager will then face the formidable challenge of selecting “yes”.


Officials hope this will provide a valuable moment of reflection before the user resumes watching seventeen consecutive videos of a man pressure-washing a patio.


Addictive features such as auto-play and infinite scroll will also be switched off by default, meaning users will have to reactivate them manually before surrendering the next three hours of their lives.


Online safety minister Kanishka Narayan said the proposals would make Britain the most robust country in the world for regulating technology companies.


“Other countries have spoken about restrictions,” he said.


“We are the first to make those restrictions entirely optional.”


Teenagers broadly welcomed the announcement.


Seventeen-year-old Tyler said: “It is good that the government trusts us to make adult decisions about university, employment, sex, driving and military service, while also reminding us that we may become trapped inside TikTok unless protected by a settings menu.”


Parents have also been reassured by the measures.


“I was worried my daughter was spending too much time online,” said one mother. “But now the government has introduced a switch she can turn off, I feel the problem is basically solved.”


Critics described the proposals as the digital equivalent of banning alcohol for teenagers unless they remove the lid.


Ministers rejected the comparison.


“With alcohol, the lid is often quite difficult to get off,” said one source.



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