Following a series of scandals in which female prison officers seek a little animal pleasure in the confines of a cell with dangerous men, the government is quietly instituting a looks-only policy in its female officer recruitment policy. ‘These women are solid 7s,’ said a Home Office insider. ‘In other words, they are attractive enough to be desired and insecure enough to take what they can get. That has to change.’
In response, the department was tasked with coming up with a policy that would put a stop to the searchable sequence of real life prison porn genre scenes. ‘By making all female officers 10s, we believe they will not look twice at wing-loitering human scum. By the same token, the men will acknowledge that these women are simply out of their league and not risk the humiliation of being repeatedly turned down in front of their murderers and rapists peers.’
The Home Office spokesperson, herself a reasonable 8, said she believed the frustrated prisoners would in turn sublimate their carnal aggression into creative activities, such as pottery, matchstick modelmaking, and Hope Outreach Heal & Intercommunal Blending Meetings, which she said would spring up spontaneously ‘in the space between denial and acknowledgement.’
But the Home Office admits that the so-called ’Ratable 10’ policy may not in itself be sufficient to halt human desire. Sex has been a basic human need for decades and the most reliable way of propagating the species. Although there is an outright ban on it in institutions of forced detainment, it is thought that the sexual element of human nature does not go into full remission. ‘Men when they are locked up still retain their capacity to imaginatively visualize members of the opposite sex. Outlawing this is where we as a new Labour government intend to go next.’
image from pixabay
