Innovative new Apple phone has no screen

The latest version of Apple’s iconic and ever popular iPhone has stunned users because it has no screen.

Earlier Apple models excited customers with similar ‘crazy’ innovations, such as the removal of the headphone socket and dispensing with the charge plug.

A spokesman for Apple said that screen size has always been a challenge because it dictates the size of the phone, and that an iPhone without a screen can be much smaller. Users get feedback from the phone by transmission of data directly into the optic nerve, via a new accessory called the iPort. A keyboard isn’t needed as the phone works entirely by voice command.

Another innovation is that the phone is continuously charged by body heat, allowing the size of the battery to be dramatically reduced

As a result, the new iPhone is much smaller, with models available in credit card size or in matchbox format. A luxury model called the Premium Gold SE Plus is made of titanium and has a different smell for each day of the week. It can be worn as a pendant or attached to a plug in air freshener.

Prices are expected to start from $4,999 for the iPhone and $2,999 for the iPort. Apple are also throwing in a VR headset for free.

Image: Pixabay/pexels

New year warning over Chinese air fryers

The nation has been alerted to be wary that the Y2K Millennium bug may strike again, after it was discovered that Chinese air fryer manufacturers have been using up stocks of old microprocessors in the control systems.

Technology consultant Charles Boffin explained to Newsbiscuit that he’s not sure how the chips will respond on New Year’s Day, but it could result in under or overcooked food, so it’s best to use conventional cookers until you’ve had the chance to test the air fryer on a meal you cook for your mother in law.

A spokesgeek for the government said “It’s probably a load of old bollocks again, but to be on the safe side, ministers who own air fryers have been allocated an extra three thousand pounds on their expenses for New Year’s Day, so they can dine out and hopefully by the following day, we’ll know where we stand.

Pensioner Gordon Ramsbotham said “I wouldn’t give yer tuppence for any of this new-fangled gadgetry. I remember when everyone was rushing out to buy the Sinclair C5, but how long did that fad last? Bloody ridiculous ideas they come up with…”

Image: Pixabay/katarzyna

The Economy: predictions for 2025

Energy - Russian hackers target the national grid.  All the electricity is sent to the Isle of Wight, which catches fire and sinks.

Transport - Russian hackers stand back and watch with amazement as the UK transport system implodes on its own, without interference.  Same as last year.  And the year before that.

Housing - All cineplexes are converted to housing, but some units are later found to have been constructed mostly from popcorn. Despite all the optimistic yakking, interest rates stubbornly fail to come down, so your mortgage will continue to slowly choke the life force from you. Unless you rent, in which case your rental payments will continue to slowly choke the life force from you.

Defence - MOD personnel clog up Sainsbury's branches trying to collect drones and munitions ordered from Argos.  Argos admits the existence of a black site offering discounted guns and missiles - and nectar points.

Business - Companies without staff (hedge funds, shell companies and tax dodges) are forecast to do well in 2025.  Companies with staff will do badly owing to the rise in minimum wage and the massive cost of employer's National Insurance.  Freebies for Keir and political donations to Labour are therefore expected to dry up.

Education - all pupils will be automatically deemed to have special educational needs this year, so the limited support available will collapse under the strain.  All exams will move to a pupil self assessment system. Attendance records will show that truancy has fallen to zero after the attendance system is hacked by year 6, although Russian hackers try to take the credit.

Image: Pixabay