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Wildlife release causes international incident


For the first time in 400 years, a family of beavers have been released into the Strait of Hormuz. The family set to work doing what beavers do and Greta Thunberg turned up with some little hard hats and copious supplies of black and yellow tape.


The beavers have now successfully dammed the Strait and shipping has been rerouted. As a result, prices have spiked around the world and shortages developed, particularly in the twig market.


The creatures are now frolicking in the shallows, blissfully unaware that they have rocked the foundations of global capitalism. Iran's Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Khamenei said 'Aren't they cute? Just look at those little furry faces!'


US President Donald Trump remains unimpressed and has threatened to use force if the beavers won't open up.


Across the Strait, in Oman, people cleared their throats pointedly and said 'We have opinions too, you know, if anyone cares to ask... Hello?'


Khamanei’s son ditches playboy lifestyle to become Ayatollah


Following his father's death, Mojtaba Khamenei - Mojito to his friends - has been forced to abandon his playboy lifestyle to become the new Ayatollah and Supreme Leader of the Islamic Republic of Iran.


”I guess I always knew it couldn’t go on forever,” he said ruefully, speaking on Zoom to a reporter from Condé Nast Traveller from his penthouse in the Palm Jumeirah. “Only last week I was doing lines of coke off a hooker’s ass along with Don Trump junior, Netanyahu’s son and some tech bros I met on a certain Caribbean island. But even then I was wondering whether it might not be time to settle down, let the old beard grow out a bit, get a nice place in the country etc.


”Or, as it turns out, become the supreme leader of a theocratic fascist state that beats women to death for not covering their heads in public. Funny how life works out, eh?”


Asked whether his former lifestyle might not be a problem with Iran’s more conservative clerics, Khamenei winked and said “What happens in Dubai stays in Dubai, am I right?


A spokesman for Khamenei said he should be able to move back to Iran in a week or two, to give him time to settle a few casino debts, sell the Lambos and get every lap dancer in town to sign a non-disclosure agreement.


”Put it this way - he’ll be there before any British warships arrive in Cyprus.”




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