Bankers: don't you just love 'em?

Government considers NHS funding crisis

Kwarteng higher than a banker's bonus

Conservatives have admitted that their tax cuts were conceived when policy makers got high on the industrial grade ketamine Kwasi Kwarteng road tested at the Queen's funeral.

Bleary-eyed Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said 'We suddenly remembered who paid for the think tank parked on Downing Street, pointing its think barrel at numbers 10 and 11. In terms of trickle down economics, this is urinating on 99% of people from a huge height.'

Hootington-Hurst began singing, 'Tax cuts to benefit the richest 1%? Parklife. Bankers bonuses without limit? Parklife. Inexplicable lack of energy company windfall tax. Parklife. All the poor people, so many poor people, And they all go round and round and die... Park...life.'

'At least we didn't get so high that we made Liz Truss PM! Ha ha ha - wait, what?!'