- Lockjaw
- 10 hours ago
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'President Trump is really looking forward to misgoverning another country,' said a spokes-anschluss for the White House.
'Venezuela was already a cruel and repressive dictatorship run for the ruler's benefit, so in many ways his work there is done.
'All that remains is to rebrand the presidential palace as the 'Trump Caracas' and call the capital's grimmest shanty town 'Trump Favela', and then the President will lose interest and give up.
'But if that liberal snowflake opposition leader Maria Corina Machado ever dares return to Venezuela from Norway, he'll jail her for beating him to the Nobel Peace Prize and blame Obama.
'Why does Trump want to be the autocratic ruler of every country he can annex?' continued the spokes-camp guard, in answer to a question from Colditz News Network.
'We believe it's because he never had a train set as a kid and since then, he's wanted to be the Fat Controller of everything he can lay his tiny fingers on - women and countries.'
A statement from the nonsensically miffed Nicolas Maduro said 'I thought dictatorship and election-rigging, crude oil and cocaine were things Trump and I both loved. The ex-President of Honduras just got a pardon for the same thing that I'm clearly going to be Epstein-ed for. If Trump wanted a play date, why didn't he just ask.'
After successfully renaming The Kennedy Center the Trump-Kennedy Center, in a fit of ego, President Trump has decided to name everything in USA after himself.
"He's going to start with things he likes, the Trump-McDonalds-Big-Mac and Trump-Diet-Coke and see how it goes from there," said a Whitehouse Spokesman.
The White House is expected to be renamed "The Trump House" from early January, with Washington DC expected to become "Trumpington DC" by February.
When questioned about this, a Trump aide told us, "The president feels that everything should be named in honour of how great he is and how well he is doing, being the best president ever. Obviously."
"Not everything will be named in his honour, though. Things he doesn't like will be named after some of his predecessors. For example, illegal immigrants will henceforth be called "Obamas", Stormy Daniels is to be referred to as "Stormy Clinton" and the nasty bits in the bottom of a popcorn bucket, which didn't pop correctly, will now be named "Biden bits".
Interestingly, the thing which should be named after him, sexually abusing and defaming journalist E Jean Carroll, will continue to be called "Fake News".
image from google gemini
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