Microsoft Clippy returns as Prime Ministerial adviser

A Downing Street spokesman has confirmed that Clippy will immediately be on board as part of the Prime Ministerial guidance team.

Clippy is a beloved and treasured part of this nation's heritage. It first appeared in Office 97, coinciding with the Tories being out of office in the same year. Nevertheless, the current Government has decided that Clippy has many advantages relevant to today's issues.

"Are you looking for a picture of a big dog?"

"Do you want to convert that to pints?"

"Would you like to draw a line under something?"

The greatest benefit appears to be that whenever Clippy starts asking really awkward questions like "Did you mean steel or steal?", the PM can simply switch it off.

Violet Elizabeth Bott to be new ethics advisor

New statute celebrating Brexit to be commissioned

Jacob Rees-Mogg todays announces that to celebrate the successes the UK is experiencing due to Brexit a new statue is to be commissioned.

Plans are underway to get the UKs leading artists to put together their proposals - provisionally the work will be entitled “We have fun, but we get things (Brexit) done” - and is to feature a smiling Boris Johnson raising a drink to the nation'.

'It'll be very similar to some of the images we have recently seen in Sue Gray’s fictional historical romp', continued Rees Mogg.

The statue will include a hat made entirely of bank notes, to symbolis the £350 million a week savings that the British people are able to enjoy as a result of Brexit. In addition there will be a 'Brexit flap' in the rear of his trousers so that his bare backside can be displayed at Europe on the hour, every hour, like a mooning cuckoo clock.