Having gone full-Brexiteer, the Leader of the Opposition admitted he had broken more pledges than a crystal meth user on New Year's Eve. Having graduated from the Lance Armstrong School of Veracity, Sir Keir has a track record that would make The Great Gatsby blush.
An aide confirmed: 'Life comes with no guarantees, unless of course, you are buying electrical goods. And even then you have to tick that little box'.
Asked if he would commit to stop breaking promises, he said he could not promise anything. Meanwhile Sir Keir's wife was seen nervously checking her marriage vows for the small print.
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A Downing Street spokesman has confirmed that Clippy will immediately be on board as part of the Prime Ministerial guidance team.
Clippy is a beloved and treasured part of this nation's heritage. It first appeared in Office 97, coinciding with the Tories being out of office in the same year. Nevertheless, the current Government has decided that Clippy has many advantages relevant to today's issues.
"Are you looking for a picture of a big dog?"
"Do you want to convert that to pints?"
"Would you like to draw a line under something?"
The greatest benefit appears to be that whenever Clippy starts asking really awkward questions like "Did you mean steel or steal?", the PM can simply switch it off.
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