'I'll hold your coat' Starmer tells bully boy Trump

'The UK's official foreign policy is for the Prime Minister to hold President Trump's coat and grin while he beats up all the smaller nations in the playground,' said a Downing Street spokes-toady.

'As well as that, he'll supply all that's left of Britain's armed forces - a rusty fleet auxiliary ship and a couple of Cessnas - to help Trump nab international shipping in the north Atlantic.

'All the while, we'll be pleading with Bully Boy Trump not to flick the ears of countries we like, such as Greenland, and plunder its natural resources.

'Not that Trump would take a blind bit of notice of us, given that natural resources mean money and money is the one thing Trump understands.

'Serving as sidekick to this nasty, vain, increasingly demented ignoramus is Britain's place in the modern world and Sir Keir is rightfully ashamed - I mean, proud - to have led us here.'

Image: WixAI

Norman Rockwell's 'The Playground Bully'

Brainy kids group together to deal with dinner money bully

A band of school swots is refusing to be intimidated by a playground bully who has taken their dinner money. The bully who calls himself Big Don said they won’t get it back unless they all start acting as stupidly bigoted as him, starting with one of the smartest, a kid named Harvey.

However, Harvey has gathered support from lots of other nerdy boys and girls. Together, they say they are determined to demonstrate that discrimination and intolerance are incompatible with their superior intellectual capacity. Unfamiliar with the use of such big words in coherent, meaningful sentences, Big Don reacted by having a hissy fit and saying the threat wasn’t real.

When Harvey showed Mr Internet the overwhelming evidence that the threat was indeed real, Big Don’s equally thick henchwoman Wrestling Linda joined in.

She called Harvey a wimpy geek for going to Mr Internet and told him he should come and talk to her about getting his head shoved down the toilet. As she’s not allowed in the boys’ toilets, she is likely to ask another of Big Don’s henchmen to do it, probably the incontinence sufferer known as Leaky Pete.

Image: geralt - Pixabay