'I know they're never going to honour my name after I've left the White House,' Donald Trump told a paintmakers' conference in Dulux, Pennsylvania. 'They'll demolish the Trump ballroom and turn the Trump-Kennedy Centre back into the boring old Kennedy Centre.
'That's why I want you guys to immortalise the name 'Trump' by making it a colour on your paint charts.
'Trump's gotta be bright red, like my ties and my hats,' ranted the President. 'I mean, a really insanely lurid shade of red - somewhere beyond High on Amphetamines Traffic Light red and Red Alert: This Plane Is Going To Crash Dive red.'
'I also want orange like my skin. And white, like my skin. And gold - I love gold. All the gold. So much gold.... And I want black like the void where my heart should be.'
'I guess we had no choice except to go ahead and do what he wanted,' grunted a spokes-brush for the Guild of Servile American Paint and Dyestuff Makers, 20 minutes after Trump's speech. 'He said he'd put huge tariffs on us if we didn't.
'Our only question is, who the hell is going to be deranged enough to decorate their house in MAGA red?'
Latest reports indicate that 77 million completely deranged Trump voters had put in orders for the repugnant new paint.
Image: stux - Pixabay