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Naturists claim Chinese cookery class ban is 'wokism' after being told to put some clothes on.


An elderly naturist couple have brought their local adult education college to a tribunal citing discrimination after they were barred from attending a Chinese cookery class unless they agreed to wear clothing.


Brian Buff, 86, and his wife Sheila, 84, say they were "humiliated" when the tutor explained that students were expected to wear aprons and sensible clothing when cooking with woks full of boiling oil.


'We're victims of naked prejudice,' said Brian. 'People hear the word "naturist" and immediately assume we're going to end up with third-degree burns to our tackle.'


"Well...," replied tutor Angela Roberts, "yes."


The couple went on to insist they have been preparing food while naked for decades without incident

'That's because you've mainly been making fishpaste and beetroot sandwiches,' said Roberts, before the chair of the committee adjourned the hearing for the weekend.


The case continues next week.



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Man successfully cooks something on smallest gas hob ring on cooker





A man has confounded all logic and reason by managing to successfully cook something on the smallest of the 4 hob rings on his gas cooker, it has been confirmed.


Mike McBride 46, managed to cook a small pan of penne pasta in just under 5 hours but admitted that he never expected to complete the ultimate endurance task, only taking it on out of desperation, as all the other hob rings were unavailable.


'I had no choice really', admitted McBride - there was a sauce boiling on one, some veg cooking on the massive hob ring, and of course, the back right ring wasn't igniting, its always the back right one, isn't it?'.


'I tried all the tricks in the book, including constantly twisting the hob dial left and right whilst crouched down closely inspecting the flame to see whether anything other than a miniscule amount of gas was coming through, but it had no effect' admitted McBride.


McBride is now planning another record breaking attempt by trying to work out what the setting on his oven means where it has a half zigzag line at the top and a straight line at the bottom.




First published 23 Mar 2022


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Man 'stable' after draining cooked pasta water down the sink



A Retford man is expected to make a full recovery, after accidentally draining his starchy cooked pasta water straight down the sink, instead of retaining it to mix in with his pasta sauce, it has been confirmed.


The incident occurred whilst Pete McBride, 45, was doing some 'theatre cooking', rustling up a cheeky penne with arrabiata sauce, for himself, his wife and two daughters, while they sat at the kitchen table.


'I don't know how it happened', confessed an upset McBride, after enduring a tense meal, punctuated only by quiet sobs from his 10-year-old daughter and complaints that the sauce was 'scarily bland' and just hadn't bound together at all.


'It was a schoolboy error', admitted McBride. It's basic advice in every pasta recipe in every cook book. I could hear Ainsley Harriet's chirpy tones stressing that 'You must keep a bit of starchy water as you drain the pasta sauce. You really must.' 


'It seemed to happen in slow motion', continued McBride. 'I just let it all drain down the sink in a colander.  I could see my wife's mouth drop in horror. I panicked and quickly tried to add a bit of cornflour into the pasta sauce, and a few capers, but the sauce started congealing and lumping up before my eyes. It was gut-wrenching.'


McBride has agreed to undertake a process of rehabilitation, including basic refresher training in how to place an empty pan under the colander to collect water, as well as watching repeats of every episode of Saturday Kitchen ever.



Image credit: Wix AI

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