'We really resent these allegations that we're no better than the Tories,' said a Downing Street spokes-angel, addressing reporters with a look of wounded innocence on its wondrous face.
'Conservative Prime Ministers took freebies from millionaire donors because they were disgustingly venal and degenerate' the minister of God continued. 'The current PM, on the other hand, took freebies from a millionaire donor because he is so utterly childlike and naive in the ways of the world.
'It would never occur to someone as good as Keir 'Woolly Lambkins' Starmer that anything he did might possibly be bad.
'To the pure, everything is pure.
'The same goes for our saintly chancellor cancelling winter fuel allowances for most of Britain's elderly so she could save a few bob for the Treasury.
'She's so sweet-natured that she'd never have done anything this mean, had it not been for the wicked bastard putrid Tory scum forcing her into it.'
After this, Downing Street press officers ushered reporters into the back garden of Number Ten to see all the cherubim and seraphim in the Labour cabinet cast down their golden crowns and sing 'Holy! Holy! Holy!' in praise of themselves.
Picture credit: Wix AI
- Wrenfoe
- Sep 17, 2024
Despite being only six games into the season, Man City have opened up an impressive gap between themselves and the other cheats. Even on court cases, for and against, Man City are set to win the league...and then get relegated four divisions, for breaking fair-play rules.
Using their formation of three at the back and eight in tax havens, the team have outplayed everyone when it comes to being sketchy. Their fluid grasp of accountancy and free-flowing use of bungs, has mesmerised HMRC.
115 hearings ahead, Man City are guaranteed to get into Europe via a Swiss bank account, and then on to the Cayman Islands. The Premiership warned: 'The only penalties awarded this season will be financial.'
Picture credit: Wix AI