I work all night, I work all day to pay the bills I have to pay

Entitled Goose Game

Anticipating that brown envelopes full of cash may dry up once he is ejected from No. 10, Boris Johnson is working with computer game developers on something new and original.

Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said 'Your character is Prime Minister and faces serious real-world challenges. However you get points for charging around causing chaos, partying, getting laid and lining the pockets of you and your mates.'

Game developer Luke Lyle said 'I renamed Untitled Goose Game, and took their money.'

Hootington-Hurst continued 'Turns out, we've changed one letter from an existing game. Now an 'E' instead of a 'U'. Suella Braverman's legal view is that it's all the EU's fault anyway. Anyone who says otherwise is an enemy of the people.'

Lyle did not anticipate an enquiry into the money spent. 'What are the Tories going to do? Track and Trace me?'

Total Corruption Magazine reports profits of $14 trillion Dollars before and after tax

International best-selling magazine Total Corruption, which explains how to turn your democracy into an overtly venal society in just 6,000 easy instalments, has reported quarterly profits of $14 trillion Dollars.

The exclusive subscription-based publication which used to be a monthly circular is now available to sharks, hoodlums, organised crime, high finance, and democratic governments as an hourly magazine.

84% of countries now operate entirely based on the easy-to-follow guidelines, since the populist article 'Just Lie To Their Faces' broke down barriers to shady unscrupulousness, turning standard manipulation practices into overt sleaze overnight.

Gordon Grifter, Chief Editor for Falsification, Doctoring, Alteration, Fudging, Adulteration, Debasement, Degradation and Abuse at the magazine said, 'Any country or entity using its tax income to subvert societal culture will be well aware of our world infamous Seven 'D's Mantra: Dishonesty, Deceit, Deception, Duplicity and Double-Dealing.

'However, I can now reveal exclusively that a specialist online sister publication kept crookedly behind an extortionate paywall will be launched tomorrow. We have a whole new look and feel, inspired by delinquency, palm-greasing, subornation, profiteering, malfeasance, misfeasance and malversation.

'To the good people of the world, I say this: there are 667 words for corruption, but only one for integrity. And we've just bribed all of the dictionaries of the world to have integrity removed.'

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