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NATO to rebrand as Trump NATO


‘NATO is a self-defence organisation and right now NATO needs to defend itself’, a spokesman told NewsBiscuit.


‘As well as rebranding NATO we will award Donald Trump the NATO Medal for Bravery and give him a 5% skim off the top. All nations will need to increase their budgets a little, but at least we won’t be showing Putin our naked arses’.


A spokesman for the White House said that 5% was ‘an insult’ and that he knew where NATO’s wife and children lived, so if NATO didn’t fancy coming home to an ugly wife with a remodelled face it should up the offer to 20% minimum.

‘More lethality, less lawyers’ statement widely condemned


US Defence Secretary Pete Hegseth is facing universal criticism for the appalling English used in his book, ‘The War On Warriors’. If Chapter 10 had been entitled ‘More lethality, fewer lawyers’, he may have been excused for ordering the killing of survivors of a missile attack on their boat. But it’s called ‘More lethality, less lawyers’ which clearly indicates what a dreadful human being he is.


Not many people knew of Hegseth’s book before his department started ignoring Rules Of Engagement, the Geneva Convention and its own publications on War Conduct. But an investigation into the murderous campaign to terrorise fishermen under the questionable pretext that they are all drug dealers has raised awareness of the terrible grammatical crimes committed by Hegseth.


As the investigation continues, further evidence of the misuse of the English language may emerge. And the wrath of the entire English-speaking world will descend upon Hegseth if it is revealed that he ever wrote ‘should of’ instead of ‘should have’.



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