An enraged father, Don, who has had quite enough unauthorised 'foreign muck' being ordered by his family for tea, has insisted that the local Neighbourhood Watch help defend his kitchen.
"There's a tide of it. Every night you get Olivia or Imogen on the text to these blokes with sneaky electric bikes. Next thing, under cover, they're delivering Indian, Chinese, Thai ... bloody Thai! ..., Greek food to our perfect English kitchen.
"These two daughters are just letting the flood of immigrant stuff pour in. Without them there'd be no demand for it. We don't need it and we don't want it. And it's a major cost to this household - it's all being charged to my card. My lovely English wife is more than capable of feeding us all with proper food, bought locally at the nearest Lidl.
"If I can get a few of the Neighbourhood Watch lads - or battalion, as we call ourselves - to intercept these ebike pirates at the proud border of the kitchen, or back door, we can just turf them out on their ears.
When asked if this local-only policy would extend to other rooms, Don replied, "What? With all the World Cup qualifiers coming up on my 69" TV in the living room? I need somewhere to drink my Stella, don't I?"
Image: grainlatte - Pixabay
