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Trump eager to take over running of Venezuela's dictatorship


'President Trump is really looking forward to misgoverning another country,' said a spokes-anschluss for the White House.


'Venezuela was already a cruel and repressive dictatorship run for the ruler's benefit, so in many ways his work there is done.


'All that remains is to rebrand the presidential palace as the 'Trump Caracas' and call the capital's grimmest shanty town 'Trump Favela', and then the President will lose interest and give up.


'But if that liberal snowflake opposition leader Maria Corina Machado ever dares return to Venezuela from Norway, he'll jail her for beating him to the Nobel Peace Prize and blame Obama.


'Why does Trump want to be the autocratic ruler of every country he can annex?' continued the spokes-camp guard, in answer to a question from Colditz News Network.


'We believe it's because he never had a train set as a kid and since then, he's wanted to be the Fat Controller of everything he can lay his tiny fingers on - women and countries.'


A statement from the nonsensically miffed Nicolas Maduro said 'I thought dictatorship and election-rigging, crude oil and cocaine were things Trump and I both loved. The ex-President of Honduras just got a pardon for the same thing that I'm clearly going to be Epstein-ed for. If Trump wanted a play date, why didn't he just ask.'


Dictator Tromp Issues Executive Order

Dictator Tromp, of Trompaloonyland, has today signed an Executive Order making it illegal to walk forwards. As of tomorrow morning, all citizens will be required to walk backwards. Dictator Tromp is an advocate of walking backwards, since his gold medal win at the Trompaloonyland Athletics Championship two years ago.


His critics, before they disappeared, accused Dictator Tromp of underhanded tactics and the other competitors were killed in accidents the night before the final. For example one competitor stabbed himself in the head, 14 times, while combing his hair, and the other cut off his leg, while trimming his toe-nails, and bled to death.


Dictator Tromp gave a TV address yesterday in which he defended his Executive Order from international criticism. Dictator Tromp stated, “It’s my order not yours, so there Mr Poopy Pants.”


This is not the first time Dictator Tromp has received international criticism.


In the previous three years he has received criticism for suggesting: wearing a dead squirrel on your head is a fashion statement; eating coal is good for the environment; marrying a Llama is good for the human gene pool; and chewing armpit hair cures gout.


Dictator Tromp, lives in a 56 bedroomed mansion, with his wife, and pet giraffe ‘Lofty’. The house was previously an asylum for narcissistic megalomaniacs. Dictator Tromp lived at the asylum for two years, but has stated he was never a patient he lived there while researching his book, How to Takeover the World which he insists it was a work of fiction and not a plan for world domination, adding, “The world deserves me, the world needs me, no-one else is good enough, only me. I’m worth ten of everyone else, maybe more.”


Dictator Tromp, was unavailable, for further comment. His spokesman, Lenny ‘the leg breaker’, Killum-Quik, said, 'If that’s, what the boss wants, that’s what, the boss gets, got it, mush face?'


Author: deejaygo1887



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