Do you remember the current President of the USA Donald Trump suddenly packing his bags and leaving the G7 meeting in Calgary, Canada? We found out later that he was off to sort out plans to try out America’s biggest bombs on nuclear sites in Iran.
At the time, Trump said that he had something more important to do, but didn’t say what. Obviously, it had nothing to do with protecting the world, co-operating with the other most powerful nations, or anything else that wouldn't benefit him personally, so our valiant reporters (and a couple that aren't) have worked hard - over a cup of cappuccino and a chaser of crème de menthe – to come up with a handy list of reasons for leaving important meetings that his press team could use in future.
Here it is:
- He suddenly remembered he had a game of golf scheduled with Jeff Bezos
- It had been a couple of weeks since he'd started a war, and he was getting itchy
- He hadn't clashed handbags with former BFF Elon for nearly 2 days
- He'd forgotten why he was there
- He was getting confused with all the bigly words
- He didn't know why there were women present, unless they were there to get the Diet Coke
- He realised he couldn't tell anyone 'You're Fired'
- He gets nervous at meetings where he's not standing on good ole American soil
- He only stayed while his Tesla was charging
- No one at the meeting wanted to sign a trade deal
- He only cares about 'Making America - and Iran - Great Again’
- He missed his date night with Putin and had to make up for it
- He was worried that President Macron was trying to seduce Melania and, even worse, fake Melania
- Putin said he has a new golden shower he can try
- They served tacos for lunch
- Everyone said that his birthday parade was pathetic
- He couldn't remember where he was
- The gift bags were really disappointing (Canada: just maple syrup and moose mousse)
-Â He was expecting a call from Putin, and wanted privacy.
- He'd run out of orange tan lotion
Story credit to Sinnick
With contributions from deskpilot, benvoleo, jamesdoc, modelmaker, Midfield Diamond, mcdabbleÂ
Image credit: Nightcafe studio
'I'm giving the Iranian regime two weeks to sign a deal to limit its nuclear activities,' Trump told the White House press corps, 'and if it refuses, I will subject it to the biggest wave of bombast the world has ever seen.
'No one can bombast their enemies more bigly than me,' boasted Trump.
'I have ordered a B2 bombast strike force to Diego Garcia which will hit the hell out of Iran with tough-guy threats, and I'll be launching wave after wave of intercontinental bombastic missiles on Tehran from the USS Blowhard, to bore the living hell out of everyone who listens to me.
'And if those fascist priests who run Iran - who I very much respect for their incredible fascist style of running the 'joint - still refuse to do what I tell them, then I'll huff and I'll puff and I will bloviate their house down... bigly!'
Picture credit: deep dream generator