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Fears over King Charles’ health after complaining of a ‘heavy heart’



King Charles’ private cardiologist has advised the monarch to have a battery of tests undertaken after he announced today he has a heavy heart.


It appears the duty footman failed to observe any change in weight when the King was weighed on the royal bathroom scales, and can expect to be mercilessly flogged if the MRI scan the cardiologist has arranged shows up an abnormal enlargement of the heart, however it isn’t yet known when this will be done, as it requires locating an MRI scanner with a blue blood filter, which the NHS has been remiss in purchasing.


Newsbiscuit asked Professor M O delmaker what the prognosis for the King might be if it does turn out he has an abnormally heavy heart, but he was in a silly mood after five pints of Olde and Filthye and just said “Aorta know the answer, and if it comes to me while I’m taking a leak, I’ll tell you.”


image from pixabay



Man complains that his operation was treated as a game



Cavity Sam, a cartoon character, says a group of unqualified ‘so-called’ players operated on him for over an hour, and removed several items from his body in a series of unnecessary procedures.


He claims he was diagnosed with twelve ailments. 'I ironically the first was a case of 'Gamer’s Thumb', which they removed. However, this didn’t solve anything so they went on to take out my 'Headphone Headache', a 'Frog' from my throat and several more items working down my body past 'Butterflies in my Stomach' to my 'Cranky Knee'. Nothing seemed to work.


They took it in turns to have a go on me. All the time they were laughing and joking. I don’t believe they were even qualified doctors! They were very clumsy and only used a pair of tweezers which kept touching the sides of my open wounds. Even this didn’t set off any alarms!


'In the end, it turned out the only thing wrong with me was that I needed a new set of batteries for my large red light bulb nose. I didn’t actually ‘need' anything to be removed. The ‘doctor’ with the most money was declared ‘the winner’. I don't think they took my operation seriously at all. That’s the last time I go private!'


Picture credit: Wix AI



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