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Bully XLs currently in the UK to be confiscated


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Prime Minster Rishit Sunak has announced he will take inaction on Bully XL dogs, but their owners need not fear their darling cutiepies will be destroyed. The government merely intends to confiscate them, but will treat them well, feed them on a diet of raw meat and provide regular exercise for them in the forecourts of polling stations on election days.


A spokes-vicious dog handler took a break from walking Cruella Braverman on a leash around the Palace of Westminster to tell us we only need to look at the frequency that by-elections have taken place since the 2019 election to be assured these dogs won’t get overweight through lack of exercise.

Government puts the Dangerous Clogs Act into law


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There has been uproar in Up-North with the introduction of the flawed legislation.


'We are truly sorry that this has come into force', said Crispin Posh-Ladd, MP for Dick-in-the-Mire. 'This was the result of a clerical error. It, of course, was meant to control the ownership of vicious brutes and the dogs that they own. Dogs such as the Bully XL, the Japanese Fukushima, the Bolivian Ball-biter and, of course, the Yorkshire Ankle-nipper. The aim was to have all them off the streets with a humane injection; likewise for the dogs.


'In the meantime, the population for the Northern Shithouse - I'm sorry - Powerhouse will have to go barefoot until the Act can be repealed'.


'This is another example of the incompetence of this Tory government', allegedly declared an irate Angela Rayner. 'They really are out of touch with the working people of this country'.


Willy Eckerslike of Barnsley comment 'I'll have to buy an alarm clock now. I used to get woken up for the early shift by the sound of clogs sparking on the cobbles. That's not going to be the case with bare feet flip-flopping down the road'.

In response, Mr Posh-Ladd said 'The matter is in hand. It's not as if we have banned head scarves and shawls as well'.


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