How dare you bully Diane Abbott, says Labour, that's our job

Westminster awash with plagiarism, has seen multiple distinguished racists jostle to attack racism, while being a sneaky bit racist. Said a close friend: 'Diane regular recieves more abuse that all the other MPs combined. And that's just Keir Starmer's WhatsApp group.'

The Labour front bench were keen to emphasis that they got there first. However they agreed to a cross-party commitee being established, to see if there was a fair method by which they could all put the boot in.

Labour confirmed;'We've already suspended Abbott for racism, not ours, hers. So if we can bully her over bullying, we'll have reached peak irony.'

Image: Pixabay/sarahlarkin

Only 20 Prime Ministers until polling day

The government has set a cap on how many more Prime Ministers it will allow to run the country before the next General Election.  'Twenty, tops,' stated a government spokesman, adding, 'and only that many if we can stop the lunatics having a vote.'  It isn't clear which lunatics he was talking about, but the consensus is that any attempt to eliminate lunatics must be a good thing.  Therefore, any attempt to eliminate any of the current Tory MPs automatically eliminates some lunatics.

'Now that Hunt has found £20 billion of headroom, there must be an opportunity to bring back Truss, she'll blow it in no time' suggested one MP, while another suggested that Boris coming back 'for a day or so' could see that headroom safely allocated to a chum on the VIP lane.  Other MPs think that there should be opportunities for previously untried Prime Ministers.  30P Lee Anderson thinks he'd make a great PM, as long as Labour promise not to sniggle, while Priti Patel thinks a smirking PM could be a real asset.  Most of the potential PMs are thought to be MPs at greatest risk of losing their seats - the pension of £125k per annum index linked for life each is thought to be a significant motivator.

'We'll probably have a leadership challenge next week, and the week after,' the spokesman said.  'It won't serve any practical purposes, but at least the country won't be watching the rest of us syphon wealth away while the spectacles continue.'

Image: Pixabay/PublicDomainPictures

The real reason why Braverman wants to stop camping on the streets