The Metropolitan Police are investigating allegations of drug use on Strictly Come Dancing, in an attempt to discover how contestants manage to be so energetic on a Saturday evening after 14 costume changes and a paso doble.
An inquiry into alleged drug use on the show titled ‘Operation Glitterball’ was launched by the BBC earlier this month, after a producer found a suspicious white substance in a powder compact, and realised it wasn’t the Dior Illuminating Setting Dust they’d ordered from Amazon.
A BBC spokesman said, “We take these allegations seriously. The BBC maintains the highest standards of professionalism, even on shows where people routinely wear rhinestone-covered underwear on national television. Although to be honest, it’s difficult to distinguish ‘normal Strictly behaviour’ from ‘chemically enhanced Strictly behaviour’. If someone’s breakdancing on a revolving platform dressed as a lobster, it’s hard to tell if that’s drugs or just the Halloween special.”
This marks the latest in a conga-line of controversies for Strictly, which has recently been plagued by: two professional dancers departing after ‘allegations of misconduct’, which fans interpreted as ‘someone finally snapped during a rumba’; opera singer Wynne Evans making a sexualised remark during the live tour, as if all those annoying Go Compare ads weren’t bad enough; and the ongoing ‘Strictly Curse’, which remains unbeaten as the most reliable home-wrecker since Henry VIII.
One former contestant, speaking anonymously, said: “People think the Strictly Curse is about forbidden romance. Honestly, it’s about surviving 12-hour rehearsals on nothing but Red Bull, sequins, and increasingly poor life choices.”
Meanwhile, bookmakers are already taking bets on what scandal will hit the show next, with odds-on favourites including: a professional dancer defecting to Dancing on Ice ‘for a quieter life’, and a live wardrobe malfunction being declared a national emergency.
When asked if the show could survive yet another controversy, one BBC producer said, “Are you kidding? Strictly is a British institution. If anything, people will tune in hoping someone does a Viennese Waltz straight into rehab.”
Meanwhile, BBC executives were last seen Googling ‘can fake tan be classified as a Class A substance if inhaled aggressively?’ and ‘does glitter test positive on a drug swab?’
