Donald Trump has announced that US Forces have captured the Easter Bunny at an unknown location and transported him to New York, for trial.
The Easter Bunny stands accused of un-American acts. These acts include
Going against government initiatives to Make America Healthy Again and are related to the unauthorised and unregulated distribution of foodstuffs, notably chocolate
Promotion of food products containing ingredients not grown in America, including cocoa
Unauthorised dumping of foodstuff and other detritus in a public place, relating to the wanton abandonment of foil wrapped eggs in parks, gardens and municipal property
The President has said that the operation against the Easter Bunny and his evil regime was a total, massive, huge success and that Americans have been saved from the expensive, subversive and unhealthy influence of a vast organised criminal conspiracy.
US Forces are also reported to be seizing Easter Eggs and other chocolate goods from stores. These will, apparently, be ‘put beyond use’. This will happen swiftly, and no trace of the contraband chocolate goods will remain after Easter Sunday.
The President has criticised neighbouring countries, allies, enemies, Europeans and penguins on the Marshall Islands for not supporting the US action. He said that everyone ‘talked a good story about taking out the Easter Bunny’, but when it came to the crunch, they had all melted away.
image by grok
Mandy Thursday, also known as the Festival of St. Peter, has been celebrated in England since 1985, when Peter Mandelson was first appointed to a government post. That’s right – over 40 years ago! Mandy comes from the Latin word mandatum, meaning give me all your money.
The Holy day is usually celebrated in London by the distribution of Mandy Money. Originally, Mandy Money was given out as special coins by the monarch, but more recently Mandy Money has been handed out as special payments by the government. Over the years Mandy Money has been given out for many things, taken many forms, including bonuses, pay rises, redundancy payments, travel costs, promotions, bonuses, severance payments, expenses, and so forth. In similar fashion, the amount of Mandy Money was originally to be determined by the monarch, but the current arrangements are that the recipient determines the amount for himself. On the most important occasions Mandy Money is handed over in a ceremonial brown paper envelope.
In recent years the Mandy Money tradition has fallen into disrepute because of negative associations with the convicted paedophile, Jeffrey Epstein.
Image credit: perchance.org