There have been cries of "get away?", "Goodness me, that's a surprise" and "well I never." from commentators up and down the nation after Rachel Reeves has said that Brexit has harmed the economy.
One economist tried to explain. "It turns out there's a link between losing £500M a week and the economy going down the crapper. Who'd have thought it?"
In unrelated news, it has been announced that the British people are the most sarcastic in Europe.
British electronic band KLF have criticised Liz Truss and Kwasi Kwarteng for torching the UK’s higher tax brackets.
A raging electronic statement from KLF with red hot keynotes lit the place up: 'It certainly looked like Kwasi Kwarteng was all bound for mu-mu land during the Queen’s funeral, but we suppose that balances out Liz Truss having the charisma, oratorical style and cold dead expression of a Dalek. Exterminate! The Tories are more fiscally irresponsible than setting fire to a million pounds. Take it from the justified and ancient ones.’
Economic expert Piotr Polkowski said, ‘It was only a combination of Boris Johnson’s era-defining levels of self-absorption and his inability to stop humping things, that prevented the Tory Government from unleashing such truly unnecessary economic suffering sooner. All aboard the last train to Transcentral. If you can still afford a ticket. Which you can't.’
Hat tip to sirlupus
First published 29 Sep 2022
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Traditionalists are up in arms as the National Trust negotiates to acquire the house in East London where the Kray twins grew up.
‘The National Trust is supposed to take on stately homes when the landed gentry fall on hard times,’ spluttered an ageing military type. ‘The family continues to live in one wing, and the garden gets opened to the hoi polloi. And the Trust opens a café and a shop and makes a fortune from selling overpriced baked potatoes and plants that might be from the gardens, but actually came from a wholesaler in Wigan.
‘The National Trust shouldn’t be celebrating the criminal underworld and the black economy and the lower classes. It’s political correctness gone mad.’
A spokesman for the Trust defended the decision. He said, ‘Some very big blokes turned up at the meeting, and they explained in considerable detail what might accidentally happen if we didn’t make a generous offer for the house. All those present agreed that the cultural significance and historical perspectives were absolutely aligned with the Trust's values, and that we were keen to buy, even at the slightly challenging price that we were quoted. And, in addition, everyone was quite keen to keep all their fingers.'
If the acquisition by the National Trust goes through, displays in the house will include a timeline of the Kray twins' illustrious careers, with signposting to organisations offering support with mental health issues. Victims of the Krays will be recruited as stewards to give an authentic visitor experience. There will be a small exhibition of the Kray twins' little known collection of Japanese sashiko embroidery and some of their weaponry. A Trust spokesman said that, in keeping with the theme, admission charges to the house will be ‘criminal’.
The attraction will be marketed with an affectionate take-off of the Bob Hoskins gangster film ‘The Long Good Friday’, provisionally titled ‘The Long Bank Holiday Monday’.
image from Google Gemini
