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Several hours after Austria's success at the 69th Eurovision Song Contest, a viability confused and exhausted Celine Dion continued to knock on doors and call into shops hoping for directions to the St Jackobshalle where the competition was held.


'I'll never give up until I'm on that stage,' the 57-year old said while sipping on a coffee bought during an unsuccessful check at a 7-eleven, 'The Competition gave me my break in 1988 and I just want to give the fans something back. After all, they've come from near, far, wherever you are...sorry, force of habit there. I will get there and even if I have to give a rendition on a Basel street corner, I'll do it.'


Inside the convenience store, night clerk Karl Olsson may have had an answer for the fatigued French-Canadian star, telling us, 'Celine's main problem in trying to find the venue for Eurovision is that this is Boden, not Basel. They're about 2500km south of here. She's done that classic thing of getting the Swiss and Swedish mixed up, which I suppose is pretty easy when you just tell your private pilot to get you somewhere. I was going to tell her, but she insisted on paying for her coffee with Swiss Francs, so I figured I'd let her wander round a bit longer.'






There were celebrations across Russia last night upon the countries' victory in the third Russiavision Song Contest, their third victory running. 



The contest, sponsored by the Kremlin, prides itself as being much better than the 'biased' and 'hateful' Eurovision Song Contest and is open to anyone who wants to enter (provided of course that they're Russian and straight).



The winning song, 'All Hail President Putin' from Russia, stormed to first place with over 70% of the vote. This left 'We Love You Premier Putin' (also from Russia) and 'Putin is my God' (yep, Russia too) lagging far behind. In last place was the song 'Let's Hold Hands and All Be Friends' by Nikolai Vinogradov, who was apparently last seen being escorted out of the stadium and has since vanished.



A Kremlin spokesman said "we're so proud of our winners, they embody what Russia is all about... showing blind loyalty to our wise and virile President. We look forward to next year's contest, where anything could happen up until the point Russia wins again"



It is hoped by many that this will be the precursor to a successful 2025 Russialympics in the summer, with the entrants hoping to match their victory tally from winter games of 100% gold, 100% silver and 100% bronze.


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