- Lockjaw
- May 18, 2025
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Q: Can everyone see what total knobs Donald Trump, Nigel Farage and Elon Musk are, or am I wearing magic glasses?
Q: My wife assured me her 'Mrs Always Right' mug was microwave safe. It turns out it wasn't. How does one proceed from a marital point of view?
Q: Given that wars are generally fought over invisible things - borders, gods, principles etc. - can I invade the Houses of Parliament over my pension?
Q: I am putting out a petition calling for the OED to redefine the word 'celebrity' - any takers?
Q: It struck me that the European response to any world conflict would be doomed if it was centred around EU or NATO military collaborations. Would it be better to proceed with a Eurovision Alliance?
Footnote: Pibling is a word. Google it.
Scary picture credit: Wix AI
The opening ceremony for the Paris Olympics has received worldwide praise for being the most utter rubbish in Olympic history . It has been recognised for fully embracing a combination of the homo-erotic dance sequences of Eurovision and the bizarrely costumed individuals performing weird rituals of Eurotrash in a unique tribute to the worst television programmes ever broadcast.
Barely dressed couples dancing the tango to hardcore drum and bass, unconvincing electronic horses being ridden along a river and a Woy Hodgson lookalike getting as soaked as a Sunak were particular highlights. Talking of Rishi, no-one would have criticised him for leaving this ceremony early.
The French really screwed things up. Television commentators had been preparing numerous puns about the celebrations being ‘In Seine’, only for the French to rename the Parisian river ‘The Sen’ for some reason. And then they waved red white and blue tricolour flags instead of their traditional all white.
On a positive note, a world record has already been broken. Never has ‘What the effing hell is that?’ been simultaneously translated into more languages.
Picture credit: Wix AI
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