top of page

Flights have been cancelled across Southern Europe as aviation staff undertake industrial action. That has meant continental Europeans being forced to share seating areas, toilets, and feelings of impatience with angry and sometimes sober British holidaymakers.


'Usually we only see them as we pass the terminal Wetherspoons,' said one Parisian en route to Prague to view a church ceiling. 'But this time we had to share contiguous spaces in real time.'


'Our children were crying,' reported a Latvian taking his family on a wild seed hunt in far-flung fjords. 'We have watched documentaries about British holidaymakers, but never thought we’d be forced to breathe the same bathroom air.'


It is understood that airlines usually allocate their oldest flying stock to ferry the animal-like Brits from Luton to Alicante, but the strikes have led to last-minute changes in logistical operations and the possibility of people from Huddersfield occupying planes unlikely to crash.


'If I’d known we would have been surrounded by people from the United Kingdom, I’d have taken out extra insurance,' said a cultured eye-glass polisher from Strasbourg worried that the strikes would render him late for a penny-farthing and Greek lantern exhibition in the Bay of Haribonesia.


Without tannoy instructions to board planes, Brits were seen shedding clothes and helplessly urinating where they stood. Meanwhile, males among the island tribe broke out into time-killing fights while others frustrated at the lengthy waits, and were seen demanding their human rights, free chips, and wireless lager.


Picture credit: Wix AI



Noel and Liam Gallagher, the on-off partnership at the heart of the band Oasis, have teased the date of their next split on social media. 


If the suggestion is true, they will split after an acrimonious and violent row backstage during their forthcoming American tour, probably once the stadium’s already full of fans who have sold their kidneys to afford tickets. However, the band’s PR manager declined to say which brother will hit the other with a guitar and which will storm out, saying we’d just have to wait and see.


The two will then spend an unspecified period sniping at each other on social media until they finally realise they need the money - sorry, that blood’s thicker than water - and reunite once again.


Asked whether knowing about the row, split and reunion in advance doesn’t mean the whole thing’s just a publicity stunt, the PR manager said, 'No, they really are that stupid,' before Liam hit him with a cricket bat. 


bottom of page