Another massive compo payout for the ill-informed and easily manipulated

In a further blow for all the people who read the small print, they will miss out yet again on free money.

The otherwise pristine reputation of car salesman has been tarnished by a court judgement on car finance 'secret' commission payments. Anyone who meticulously sourced their own finance and didn’t just nod and sign when buying a car may miss out on a wad of compensation spondoolicks.

Reading a carefully worded statement, a representative of all the people who are cautious and diligent when undertaking large financial transactions said: 'Dammit, not again!'

The PPI scandal (Payment Protection Insurance), not the PPE scandal (Personal Protective Equipment), was a massive score for anyone who didn't decline the blatant needless extra costs that were greedily added by banks. Compensation for PPI mis-selling was a major act of justice that prevented banks from committing fraud for several weeks.

Although not as complicated as another classic bank mis-selling technique known as the Interest Rate Swap switcheroo, which at least made the effort of being deliberately confusing, this cheeky manoeuvre on car finance was as basic as just hiding the commission details.

A nodding fool exclaimed, 'Yes Boieee! I am a financial genius and will learn nothing!'

Photo by Stockcake: chequebook-illustration-art_557595_195734

Man City lead Premiership on hearings

Despite being only six games into the season, Man City have opened up an impressive gap between themselves and the other cheats. Even on court cases, for and against, Man City are set to win the league...and then get relegated four divisions, for breaking fair-play rules.

Using their formation of three at the back and eight in tax havens, the team have outplayed everyone when it comes to being sketchy. Their fluid grasp of accountancy and free-flowing use of bungs, has mesmerised HMRC.

115 hearings ahead, Man City are guaranteed to get into Europe via a Swiss bank account, and then on to the Cayman Islands. The Premiership warned: 'The only penalties awarded this season will be financial.'

Picture credit: Wix AI

Cap removed on bankers' arseholery

The government has taken the decision to open their Pandora's Box of Greed again, and let Satan's little helpers run riot. Said one starving child: 'They've been struggling to get by on shop brand champagne. I don't know how they coped.'

Left to their own devices bankers have all the self-control of a fox in a KFC. One bemused homeless individual quipped. 'You mean those multi-million pound contracts, were them showing restraint?!?'

An economist explained: 'It's all part of the financial cycle. Bonuses, followed by the collapse of civilization. We bail them out. Then we give them a bonus to try again. It's complicated. Not everyone gets it. I could show you diagrammatically, but it would just be a picture of you being repeatedly rogered with a bollard.'

Photo by fikry anshor on Unsplash