'We'd just watched Time Team to take our minds of the Lecky bill and the cost of the weekly shop when I had a lightbulb moment. I realised that we needed to dig deep into the back of the larder, that box on top of the high fridge, my husband's car boot and the chest freezer in the garage.
'I thought we might find a few forgotten food items to save us a bit, but we found loads of stuff. And some of it was still in date. We were minted to find so many cans of peas, from when Damian would only eat green things. We found three Christmas puddings we'd bought in the January sales and forgotten about. We found a box of Twinkies we'd brought back from America to from the days when we could afford a holiday. They're well past their date but I reckon that they are so full of preservatives and E numbers that they'll be fine. The car boot turned out to full of beer and crisps. No-one could explain that one. Hoarding, perhaps?
'The back of the larder was a goldmine. Buckwheat noodle from my gluten free phase. Pasta made from pea flour, which we thought would be green, but wasn't. Ten kilogrammes of granola from that stupid trip to Costco, cos Agnes could get me in as a guest. And lots more.
'Anyway, we totted it all up and we reckon that the savings will cover almost three gallons of diesel, so we are very happy. I've started a podcast called Larder Archaeology to help spread the word. Only three listeners so far, but it's early days. And I'm on Insta with the handle @larderdah. And we're having pea pasta for tea.'
image from pixabay
Food waste collections are set to require all households to produce 2000 gallons of oil, per fortnight.
The ongoing war in the Middle East has cut the global supply by 5%, meaning British households will need to make up the shortfall by recycling salad dressing and ghee. The basic ratio each home must generate is 100,000 bacon butties a week, just to keep up.
The bin itself will be the size of three moderately sized tankers and will be part of your normal collection cycle-provided your house sits on a deep-water port. The binmen have requested that you do not mix your heavy and light crude oils, and please separate out any crisp packets.
A minister explained. “Provided each homeowner is willing to forego the oil required to make 345,000 bags of popcorn we should be okay.” Over the Christmas period when collections are delayed, people are advised against storing their oil, as it is likely to attract a ground invasion by the Americans.
image by Grok