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It’s that time of year again, when people from London and the Home Counties head north to the Edinburgh Cringe, to remind themselves how lucky they are that only the best of the performing arts ever make it to where they live. In an artistic equivalent of slumming it, they will experience the untreated sewage of the nation’s theatre, comedy and performance poetry before it’s filtered down to the 1% that’s actually any good. 


Highlights of this year's Cringe include:


1) A self-described “anarcho-syndicalist theatrical collective” consisting of students on the drama degree at De Montfort University, formerly Leicester Poly. Their piece is untitled and unconstrained by “traditional oppressive theatrical structures” such as a script or rehearsals, but basically makes the point that Donald Trump is a twat.


2) Edgy comedian Steve Basingstoke brings his unique postmodern, surrealist perspective and satirical eye to current events, concluding that Donald Trump is a twat.


3) Angry lesbian poet Jocasta Clunge recites Flow, her epic poem about how her menstrual blood could wash away the patriarchy. Oh, and Donald Trump is a twat.


These performances will take place in a variety of venues, many of which are used as store cupboards for the rest of the year but now have been given punning names in the hope visitors will confuse them with real venues. 


We managed to catch up with Simon and Emilia Lexus at Waverley Station as they headed back to Bath after an exhausting week of trying to see as much as possible.


”You always hope you’re going to see the next Fleabag before it becomes famous, a fact you can then bring up for the rest of your life whenever anyone mentions Fleabag,” said Simon grimly. “But no, just complete shit again.”


image by pixabay


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The Edinburgh Fringe is happening again, as we speak.  If you have a show there, then good luck and break a leg. Later this month the Fringe will announce its top ten jokes. 


In the spirit of friendly competition, we are offering up our own ‘Best jokes of Newsbiscuit’.   These have been selected by our own entirely biased and largely imaginary editorial committee, and culled from our Headlines.  We’d have stuck to ten, but counting isn’t our strongest suit.


The author credits are included in case anyone out there has a big contract that they need signing, but didn’t find what they wanted at the Fringe…


Best jokes of Newsbiscuit 2026*


Anaesthetist cancels dinner party as he has people coming round (Modelmaker)


Another bitterly disappointing Reading Festival, says librarian (dominic_mcg)


Are transparent urns the future? Remains to be seen (Doctor Chutney)


"Call The Midwife" film announcement premature, says BBC (dominic_mcg)


Drought latest: water companies to impose shower cap (deskpilot)


Druids "dreading" moving Stonehenge when clocks go back (apepper)


Girlfriend unimpressed with spa weekend at convenience store (deskpilot)


Grubby teenager misunderstands instruction to wash at 30 (deskpilot)


Knife incident at private school: pupil arrested after using the wrong one for fish (deskpilot)


Onanist stays in bed all day on Palm Sunday (Lockjaw)


Pope tested as neighbour buys devastatingly attractive ox (apepper)


Prince Harry: I'm looking forward to reading my new book (deskpilot)


Prisoner with premature-ejaculation qualifies for Early Release Scheme (jim skinz)


Samaritans not happy with Christmas Jumper day (deskpilot)


Strippers strike: no end in sight (deskpilot)




* probably..., so far....



Image credit: Newsbiscuit archives





Claudia Winkleman’s fringe is to be listed and is to go on tour next year after Winkleman and her co-host Tess Daly leave Strictly Come Dancing.


English Heritage confirmed that Winkleman’s fringe is being given Grade II listed status in honour of its “cultural status”. A spokesperson said: ‘Claudia Winkleman’s fringe is seen by millions of people every year. Granting it Grade II listed status saves it for the nation.’


The show’s producers said: ‘Claudia Winkleman’s fringe is a national treasure. The tour will allow members of the public a chance to get close to an important part of television’s best-loved presenters.’


The tour will take in cities, towns and villages across the UK, much like the Olympic torch tour in 2012.


The operation, called a ‘fringeoctomy’, involves two small incisions being made in the scalp under local anaesthetic, and then a gentle peeling back and lifting of the fringe. A skin graft from the back is then applied to the affected area and a new fringe grows within weeks.


Observers say Winkleman’s fringe needed cutting anyway. ‘If you look at episodes of the show from ten years ago, you can clearly see her eyebrows’, said one member of Strictly fan club, Telford Tango. ‘Now her eyes are barely visible.’


Winkleman, who has presented the show since 1951, said: “I’m nervous about the operation obviously, but excited too. As long as Craig Revel Horwood is not the surgeon….”


image from grok

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