It was with great trepidation I set foot in the cinema.
The journey leading to this moment had be difficult. Hoards of tourists were occupying the kingdom of Leicester Square, drinking and eating all the available food and cola, each laying claim to their only object of desire, a ticket to Odyssey.
They lay about, cursing and shouting, minor scuffles broke near the ticket office as each applied to be a suitor to the prize, but each in turn was rejected. They had all failed to meet the conditions of ticket purchase on-line, where they had to complete a task. They were required to pass a debit card through many hoops to its correct purchase destination, avoiding the touts, fraudulent sites and scammers. All had tried to do battle with the one eyed monster and its keyboard and all had failed.
Having braved the Sahara heat of Leicester Square, avoided the whirlpool of pickpockets, the movement had arrived. I approached the guardian of the QR code and proffered my password, it was accepted, my journey had begun.
I ventured into the darkest and twistyest of narrow passages, reminiscent of a pharaohs tomb, but without the light. The passage, of time, gobbled the footsteps like a hungry soldier fed by Circe, but eventually the solid bolts of the door were drawn and a vast cavernous space laid before me, well I assume it was because that also was pitch black and cold as Hades.
I groped my way along the snow set dark ramp where the row identifiers arose from the floor like long dead soldiers and guided me to my allotted place. There I found that others who had supplied for the long journey with buckets of corn and gallons of cola, it was as though they had prepared for a ten year banquet.
The film itself? I left with an abiding impression that I had witnessed a new wonder of the ancient world, the quality of the ancient Greek dentistry. The teeth glistened like marble tombstones, even the oldest and grzzleyest of actors had perfect teeth, and they were all in place; it was incredible. No wine stains and not a crooked molar amongst any of them. I truly had witnessed a wonder.
I left the cinema to reflect that clearly the Greeks knew a lot more about dentistry than the effects department knew about authenticity. And, while some may quibble about accuracy and American accents, I will forever remain in awe of ancient Greek dentistry
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