Andrew Tate blames Careers Advisor

The advisor explained, somewhat sheepishly: 'I was just plucking jobs out of thin air. Kickboxer, chess champion, sex trafficker, Romanian pizza delivery boy, Greta Thunberg burn victim. I was clearly having a laugh. I didn't expect him to actually... you know.'

'I sarcastically said that with his qualifications, it was either the tills at ASDA or become a reality TV star. And I told him that pyramid schemes and fetish sites were not proper jobs, unless he planned to be an MP, in which case he should embrace both with enthusiasm.'

'I said, 'Andrew, if you keep this up, you're going to become an arsehole'. And he asked 'How much does it pay?' so I said 'Maybe 10 years - or hopefully more.'

Image: Emiliano Bar (@emilianobar) | Unsplash Photo Community

We tell you what the BBC doesn't

BlahBlahBlah26 angry at Greta Thunberg for claiming that COP26 attendees just go 'blah blah blah'

BlahBlahBlah26 organisers have taken Greta Thunberg to task for diverting attention away from their own gibberish.

David Medium, BlahBlahBlah26’s originator, said at a press conference:

"For 26 years now, we have been meeting in a small hotel in Glasgow with the specific purpose of saying nothing but ‘blah blah blah’ to each other. It is a friendly, safe event where otherwise uninteresting middle managers can meet, eat biscuits and communicate to each other with just one word. At first it feels weird, then funny, then oddly relaxing, which is why we love it.

We don’t have much of a marketing budget and rely largely word of mouth to get our message across. So you can imagine our annoyance when an international celebrity like Greta Thunberg gets up and falsely announces that all the COP26 attendees are just going ‘blah blah blah’. Really Greta? We don’t think so. They are politicians and climate scientists. It is highly likely that they are at least talking about clouds. If you want to just say, 'blah blah blah', then come to the experts. We know how to do it properly."

Mr. Medium had more to say on the matter but he was dramatically interrupted by Bill Darlington of StickThingsUpYourArse26 who brought things to a rapid close with an unrepeatable gesture that we have been advised by our lawyers to never mention.

Image: Pixabay/TheDigitalArtist

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