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Asian Hornets Society calls for better hornet housing

A hornets' nest in Southampton said to to be home to some 3,000 hornets was just 75cm-wide. " This is an absolute disgrace" said Milly Purviss of the Asian Hornets Society. "It's time the government took action against rogue hornet landlords such as the one that rented out this accommodation."


More pressure is being put on local councils to provide reasonable-sized, cheap accommodation to dangerous insects but there has been a lot of opposition from Reform UK.


Reform's leader, pub bore and professional milkshake dodger, Nigel Farage, has hit out against the provision of housing for hornets, especially the Asian ones. "What about the British stinging insects?" he asked our reporter. "It's one rule for the British insects and another for the foreign, work shy, immigrant hornets! They can't even speak English!"


image from pixabay

Too many houses still made of straw, say three little pigs

A committee of three little pigs today published their long-awaited report on the straw house disaster of 2017.


”It’s shocking that even now, new houses are being built of straw,” said Pinky. “Have we learned nothing from this tragedy? Or do the lives of little pigs just not matter compared to saving money?”


He went on to say that a proposed compromise, building houses of sticks, would also not be adequate to keep out the big bad wolf, and bricks were needed.


”Really, all this absurd talk of a big bad wolf,” smiled Housing Minister Fenrir Lupine, picking his teeth with his claws. “I can assure you no such creature exists. And frankly it doesn’t help to stigmatise a marginalised community who would be doing no harm at all even if they existed, which they don’t.”


He nevertheless agreed to further talks, even offering to visit the little pigs in their homes and bring apple sauce as a peace offering. This was condemned as treacherous by Little Red Riding Hood, before realising she was in the wrong story.




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